The Lord has been tugging at my heart lately, and his hand has been heavy upon me. Time spent with him is intense and convicticting and satisfying. To hear the truth he so gently, yet boldly speaks is amazing. Knowing him is my deepest desire, but it seems too far to grasp. I see my unworthiness in light of his holiness. My selfishness in wanting to work harder and be better keeps me focused on me instead of on him. It keeps me working in the power of my flesh instead of the power of his Spirit. It keeps me from complete surrender...Could I possibly ever be good enough or work hard enough or serve long enough to be worthy of bearing his name? Never. This is my greatest struggle...fighting with my flesh. Living a life of holiness, while being trapped in this body of sin. Allowing Him to be in control of everything at every moment, and giving him the glory for it. I John 3:9 & 10 says...No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed is in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are...
It's pretty clear how we are called to live. Being holy is an ongoing work of the Spirit that will not be perfected until we are in heaven. But while we are on this earth we are to surrender to the work of the Spirit and allow him to change us, mold us, and keep us from sinning.

My sweet handsome boys in blue!!! They led a song at chapel at the high school!! They did so good, and I cried the whole time!!

It has been forever since I have posted. A huge apology to all of my devoted readers! HAHA!!! These past few months have been very hectic. I am finally to a place of rest. It's really great. We spent Spring Break with my mom, and had a blast. I loved sleeping in and not having to cook a meal. Thanks, mom!! Since then, I have been learning how to play the guitar, and I am still writing songs. I really do love it, and hope to share them with all of you one day, God willing. When I was at my mom's, she introduced me to a really awesome book..."Because we love Him", by Clyde Cranford. The author was a true disciple of Christ, and he spent his time discipling other men. His book is comprised of some of the things that he taught his young men...anyway...The Lord is teaching me again that He has called me (and not the other way around) to live a life that is pleasing to him. This is accomplished by me knowing him, which can only be done by God. We tend to be so focused on what we can do for God or on what he can do for us, that we make our walk with Him more about us than about him. We have adopted the world's philosophy of everything being about ourselves, and allowed this concept into our relationship with Christ. For example, we might tithe because God "will open the floodgates of blessings" or we might serve at church so that we appear to be a devoted follower or we might try real hard to keep all of the rules when in fact our hearts are far from him. When instead we should do things because we love him and because we realize what a complete wretch we are without him. And that anything that is good or noteworthy about us is ONLY because of Him and what he has done. I know it's so common for us to think that our walk with Christ is up to us, but we have a relationship with him only because he invited us to...not because of anything we have done. ANyway...I am sounding preachy...I just know that I am so guilty of being man or woman-centered instead of God-centered.